Jamie Mayes, AOE

Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Don’t Let a Bell Pepper Block Your Blessing

In Culture, life, media, News, reality, religion, Uncategorized on December 26, 2017 at 6:44 am

A few nights ago, I was in Wal-Mart Market purchasing a few items for my Christmas buggy. I had gathers a plethora of things and made my way to the self-check-out due to the long lines in the few open cashier lanes. As I rung up my never-ending basket of items, I watched the numbers increase from cents to dollars instantly. At the end my total was just over $150. I begrudgingly reached into my wallet and pulled out my debit card, which had already seen its share of swipes and purchases throughout the day. I grabbed my receipt and headed for the exit, hoping that I had forgotten nothing on the extra long list. When I got to my car, I loaded my son into his car seat, and then popped the trunk to load the grocery. I had loaded what seemed like far too few bags for such a large total when I reached to get one more bag. I suddenly noticed a plastic bag stick out from between my beautiful poinsettias, which I had scores for only three bucks a piece. Just as I grabbed the second one, I realized I had accidentally missed scanning a bell pepper that was tucked between two poinsettias. I signed heavily. I looked at the door, my trunk and then the bell pepper. I thought to myself, “I just spent $150, I am not going back in for an 89-cent bell pepper. I mean, I can really just keep this little pepper; it’s not big deal.” However, I looked at the bell pepper once more, and I could not convince myself to toss it into my trunk. I could already hear my mom in the back of my head waving her finger and telling me I should have taken it back even if it costs ten cents. I looked at the bags and my son once more; I was simply not up for unloading a toddler and going back into the store for this bell pepper. I asked myself, Do I really want to block my blessing because of a bell pepper?

This is the situation so many of us often face. We are presented with bell peppers that seem like they won’t cost us much, but that’s exactly the problem. Something that is worth so little can cost us so much if we lose focus. I am sure, so many are like me; you have some 89 cent bell peppers in your life. Situations or people who test and tempt your morals and character; you have contemplated letting them “have it” or catching them after work. However, I urge you to look at the bigger picture and ask yourself if these situations or people are worth your dignity, self-respect, public image or Christian relationship. Undoubtedly, they are not. Therefore, take that bell pepper and return it to where it came from; place it among those who are just like it, and keep going.  I know that can be much easier said that done, but I urge you to…just…keep…going. Bell pepper people and situations can seem so small, but they can cost us so much. That was the problem with the bell pepper between the poinsettias; it seemed easy and convenient to follow my mood and just toss it into the trunk, so I could get home. However, in the end, it would have still been stealing, which is not pleasing in the sight of God. I was certainly not willing to trade my dignity and self-respect for a bell pepper. Some would declare that no one would have noticed or even cared about the missing bell pepper, but that’s the art of not letting it block my blessing. Why should I be wiling to put a blemish on relationship with God or a stain on my self-respect for something no one would even notice? Yet, I would have to pay a price, and the bell pepper wasn’t worth itistock_photo_of_bell_peppers.

I looked at the door of the store once more and made a swift decision. I hopped into my car, pulled up as close as possible to the front door (no, literally, on the store side walk, up to the front door), looked for an employee coming in and out of the store, turned on the emergency lights, cracked the window, locked the door, jumped of the car, ran about five feet to the door where an employee was standing, told her I accidentally left a pepper in my buggy and ran back out. Whew! It took me less than ten seconds to do what I knew was right. I was not a bell pepper thief, and most importantly, I wasn’t going to let an 89-cent bell pepper block my blessing. Don’t let one block yours either.


We are One

In Culture, justice, media, News, Race, reality, religion, Uncategorized on July 2, 2016 at 3:47 am

On June 30, I was given the prestigious honor of sharing an original piece with the community of Monroe, Louisiana during Mayor Jamie Mayo’s inaugural ceremony. The piece composed was written in efforts to acknowledge the importance of unity and the necessity to be conscious of others and societal issues during such challenging times. Written from the heart, my aim is to be honest about the challenges and truthful about the only real solution to our problem. We must realize that no matter our struggles and problems, we are one humanity that can only truly survive by being learning to work together and showing empathy to others. Below is the transcript.
















A Disappointed Christian: the Orlando Shooting

In Culture, justice, life, media, News, Race, Uncategorized on June 13, 2016 at 7:31 pm

Matthew 22: 39-40And the second commandment is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

One these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.orlando1

Sunday morning I turned my television on to a woman with tears streaming down her face saying she knew her son was among the unidentified dead bodies. My heart sunk as I watched her cry hysterically and I felt my heart break as I watched her crumble to pieces. Many knew what it took me a while to figure out- there was a mass shooting targeting homosexuals at a club in Orlando. The Christians are about to go crazy, I said to myself. Immediately, a sense of discomfort swept me as I anticipated what many of my fellow believers of Christ might say.

They didn’t let me down either. I saw everything from comments about a lack of sympathy for others’ loss to claims that this happened because they were living in sin. I was infuriated to think that people could be so insensitive and outright disrespectful. I was dumbfounded to think that people were suggesting that people deserved to die because they felt they were unforgivable sinners. Here were people wearing the title of Christian so proudly but defaming the word of God so blatantly. I was so disappointed to know that so many of us are doing God a disservice. I can no longer continue to spare the rod on Christians, for so many have become spoiled and intolerant children.

I question how those who criticized Orlando’s victims felt about other American tragedies? Did they have an explanation for why the children of Sandy Hook were killed? What about the people who died in 9/11? What about the massive terrorism of slaves in America for 300 years? Did all of the people deserve to be murdered because of some people felt they had sinned?

Yesterday’s catastrophe was one of the world’s most opportune times to minister; yet, many Christians failed miserably. I continue to think back to Jesus’s ministry over and over again. I think about the number of people He healed and touched and how often he hardly spoke, he only acted. I think about the number of times He denied a sick person a healing because they were of a different religion or because they had sinned. I cannot recall one. Instead, Jesus ministered through love over and over again. He changed lives and hearts through actions over and over again. He focused on His to love and heal and not on their actions.

Yesterday was not about homosexuality or a night club. It was about a tragedy that rocked the country and a result that will affect everyone at some point- death. The pain of losing someone to violence is something that no one deserves and that hurts a family whether the individual is gay or straight, black or white, religious or non-religious. At this moment, so many Christians had the chance to extend arms and join hands to say, “I am sorry for your pain and your loss. God loves you and I do, too,” but so many failed to do so. Many tried to justify the actions of a deranged murderer because they disagreed with the lifestyle of a group. It sickens me. So often, it is not the bible that has caused people to stop going to church or believing in God; it is the actions of the so-called Christians that turns people away. Being hurt and judged by the church has caused so many to forego a personal relationship with God.

This situation is not about your opinion on homosexuality. We have all done something or do something that people do not agree with, and quite often, our opinions of people don’t really matter. This about the chance to sow seed so love and compassion when love and compassion are needed more than ever. God bless the families and victims of Orlando.

Black Crime, Black Self Hate

In Culture, justice, life, media, News, prison, Race, reality, Uncategorized on April 14, 2016 at 7:38 pm

wpid-20150828_191001.jpgLast weekend was filled with tragedy in Louisiana. At least 3 African Americans lost their lives due to violence. Emotions were charged as people took to social media to voice their frustration over such unfortunate events in such a short period of time. However, it was not the reply of my white counterparts that made me cringe and grit my teeth. My people pulled out a phrase that burns my ears worse than nails on an old school chalkboard, “How can we keep crying about racism when black people kill each other every day?” Several thoughts ran through my head every time I saw a status update, tweet or post implying that racism in America is excusable because a certain portion of a population’s race is involved in violent acts. I suppose these are the same type of people who say that slavery could not have been that bad because black people sold other black people and there were black overseers and slave owners throughout history. Their justification for injustice is justifying the acts of the unjustified against an unjustly subjugated people. Read it twice. Read it slowly.

I guess what frustrates me the most is the alarming amount of evidence we have which dispels the myth that black on black crime is the biggest crime problem in America. Yet, people fail to research information for self and, instead, believe the skewed information presented by the news and media. According to the FBI website (link below), in 2013 white people accounted for 3799 manslaughter and non-negligent crimes, while black people accounted for 4,379 of the same crime. However, that gap widened as I continued to research. White people accounted for 8,946 rape crimes, while black people only accounted for less than half of that number at 4,229. White people accounted for 183,092 arrests for aggravated assault arrests, while black people accounted for 98, 748. As matter of a fact, white people exceed black people in criminal arrests in nearly every single category, sometimes with double or trouble the number of criminal acts committed. The total criminal arrests for white people were over six million, while black people had 2.5 million total arrests. Yet, the news and media outlets and society places primary focus on incidents by black people in black neighborhoods. We, then, ostracize and criticize our own people without being properly informed. Do not worry; the link for the website is below. Let your jaw drop a little; the numbers might shock you.

Do not fully rely on statistics for a full justice report, though. One astounding lesson I have learned over the years is that there is huge number of unreported crimes within the white community. Time after time, I have gotten vicarious information or heard stories about violent incidents within my community that were “taken care of” financially or through some other type of agreement. Within my professional experience, I had been told stories by individuals who committed offenses, but were “let off” several times because of family connections or racial advantage. I know I am not the only one who is privy this information; however, many who know this information ignore it and deny its relevance to the inaccurate portrayal of blacks in America.

Instead of treating the unfortunate incidents of last weekend like two isolated cases in two different cities, many people passed judgment on a race. They pulled a race card, but not a king or queen; it seems more like the joker. As much as individuals claim to hate being judged and stereotyped, so many fellow black Americans did both as soon as news of these fatalities was released. What used to create a sense of compassion in me now causes me to seethe with frustration and anger. I keep wondering when the black population will stop believing the labels and stereotypes that have been attached to our people by people who feel threatened by us. We have such a lack of self love individually that we are willing to accept what others say about us collectively. The truth is that we can never expect to see justice from the system if we do not see the value of our own race and culture. We have to start having a better attitude towards and about our people. We must make an important realization: when we support stereotypes and negative assumptions about our people, we as individuals are included the number. Agreeing with the derogatory statements made about our race does not make us an exception. Speaking against these misrepresentations of our people is the only way to combat the problem.

For many, the argument that black people are America’s biggest problem and that the black race is violent angry race that is destroying the country with crime seems small. However, it is this belief that has contributed to the alarming number of hate crimes against black people, prejudiced attitudes and biases, lack of cultural empathy and respect, and discrimination in work places. In essence, supporting a negative view of our culture has prohibited all of our people from receiving fair and equal treatment more often. One clichéd quote is true; we cannot expect others to respect us if we do not respect ourselves. We must change our perspective of our own people, research and information others of the truth and become positive advocates for changes in policies and attitudes.

There is an important lesson I have learned over the years, and it’s that numbers don’t lie. Educate yourself, people.

FBI Website:




Motivational Reflections

In Culture, justice, life, media, News, Race, reality, Uncategorized on February 19, 2016 at 4:43 am
“Racism is not an excuse to not do the best you can.”
— Arthur Ashe

We are just past the half-way mark for the month of February. Indeed, it has been an action packed month for me as my students complete projects and presentations,  make daily morning announcements, and we hosted a Black History movie day to raise money for our soul food tasting event. I must admit that Black History Month is a particularly sensitive time of year for me as I meditate and reflect even more closely on the journeys, lives and experiences of African-Americans. Our experience in this country has not been a beautiful one, but it has been a grand and significant one. One that we should embrace and love even more because of the tumultuous journey we have had. For many, reflecting on the past brings about anxiety and anger, because it is hard to imagine the difficult road our people have traveled.

Yet, further reflection on the past has allowed me to see history as so many of our history makers have seen it- with pride. I often study the works of Phyllis Wheatley, Langston Hughes, Frederick Douglass and Dr. Maya Angelou. I read about the accomplishments of Maggie L. Walker, Madame C.J. Walker and Dr. George Washington Carver. They all had one thing in common; they did not allow racism to determine their level of achievement. Though they knew the reality of society; yet, they worked towards greatness, using their struggles as their motivation.

So often, we are tempted to let obstacles determine our level of success. However, we must remember that our ancestors made so many sacrifices so our lives could be easier.  Imagine what life would be life if we had to deal with daily personal struggles and Jim Crow Segregation Laws, restricted voting laws, and segregated schools? Though so many issues with race still exist, they hardly compare to lifblack-history-monthe for African Americans just 50 years ago! We have so much to be thankful for in 2016, but so often we allow temporary struggles to make us feel bogged down stress. We are so much d to reap the benefits of our ancestors’ work. They sowed many seeds; let us continue to cultivate them for the next generation.  Take pride in the work of our ancestors, face our struggles with courage and strength and teach our children to be leaders who advocate boldly during adversity! The great Arthur Ashe once said, “Racism is not an excuse to not do the best you can,” and neither is any other obstacle one faces. Yes, you may fall thousand times, but every time you get up there should be a little more motivation to succeed. Honor our ancestors by relentlessly going for your dreams!

Stacey Dash: The Reason We Need Black History Month

In Culture, justice, life, media, News, Race, reality, Uncategorized on February 4, 2016 at 1:05 am

This year there are several reasons I could talk about the importance of Black History Month. I can always reflect on the lack of black history and culture in school textbooks. I could reflect number of recently publicly known crimes against black people. I could discuss thesdash1 threat of the election of Donald Trump, which could subsequently lead to the deportation or re-enslavement of black people. However, none of these will suffice this year’s explanation of why the celebration of Black History Month is so imperative. This year the ultimate reason that Black History Month is so important is comical, but true, ironic, but coincidental. The ultimate reason that Black History Month is so important is- you guessed it- Stacey Dash.
Because she had the courage to say BET, black awards shows and Black History Month should be eliminated is the very reason we must celebrate Black History Month. Her unapologetic attitude about her distasteful comments regarding her own race and culture is why we must celebrate and even amplify Black History Month. Dash is a reminder that Uncle Toms and token black kids still exist, showing disdain for their culture and being willing to sell their souls for money, power, and a whiter place in society. I can see her now, sitting at table with her colleagues saying hate crimes are justified because “blacks kill blacks all of the time.” Yet, be not angered with Dash, be compassionate towards her desire to be fulfilled by public attention and need to be acknowledge. She is currently getting more media attention than she ever got as an actress; being clueless has finally paid off. Because of her, I reminded of exactly why we need Black History Month:
1. She represents a lack of self-love and pride, the biggest threat to Black History.
Dash is not the only one who has failed to embrace the beauty of blackness and black culture. Our generation suffers from a lack of self-love. Though, we have difficulty accepting the truth, black people have been taught that bone straight hair and name brand clothes from the latest white designer are the key to self-value and self respect. We have replaced the value of our culture with things that depreciate the minute a transaction is performed. History has long taught us that light skin is purer and “righter” than dark skin, and that black people came from desperation, anger and violence. Self-hate and disdain for black culture has been engraved into us like the tattoos on the forearm of a Jew, and Stacey Dash is an evident reflection of such.
2. She represents the miseducated.
It is my belief that all of Stacey Dash’s comments are not and cannot be based on her genuine beliefs. Somewhere along the way, Dash has been miseducated about at least one half of her race, maybe both halves. However, her problem is not an uncommon one. The miseducated believe that we are truly free. The miseducated believe that systems that enforced equal practices are not necessary, because America is the land of opportunity for all mankind. The miseducated believe that slavery was not as bad as people try to make it seem. They see some truth to what Dash said, and they lend an open ear perspectives of the commentators on Fox News.
Each year, my students complete a Black History project or we go through a series of mini-lessons on the experiences of black people through history. It amazes me that most of my students only know three basic black historic figures: Dr. King, Rosa Parks and the surface of Malcolm X. The most troubling problem is that they have a misunderstanding of the mission of such individuals and their philosophies and beliefs about black movements and black power. Additionally, they have also been taught that racism and race issues are history and that we no longer have to work towards equality. They, like Dash, have been severely miseducated and society has become the instructor to teach them what the community has failed to do. These lessons come with painful experiences and broken expectations, and result in misdirected energy and misplaced anger. This has caused our children to stumble along for years being forced to learn how to develop community leadership and impacting movements the hard way. Miseducation comes with a terrible price to pay.
3. She represents a dangerous future.
The honest truth is that Stacy Dash is a bigger threat to society than we admit. The alarming number of people who agree with or empathize with Dash should send an immediate notice that there is much work to be done in order to preserve the celebration of Black culture. Respect for black history and black people is diminishing at a faster rate than it ever has, and the lack of response by today’s generation is troubling.
However, there is a glimmer of hope. Movements like Black Lives Matter and the Ferguson Protests send notice to America that there are young, motivated black leaders who will not take the troubles of society in a passive manner. However, is this movement massive enough? My concern is that the portion of black Americans who recognize the woes of being black in America will be overpowered by those who speak contrary to the statistically proven, undeniable truth about race relations. America continues to refuse to change laws and press charges, while using weak excuses to rationalize crimes committed against blacks. Lack of social consciousness means we are in danger of creating a dead generation, who regressive actions could send black folks back to the fields.
Yet, I must ask, what would we do without people like Dash to serve as a fresh reminder that we must continue to defy the odds and push for our culture to be remembered and respected? She is the constant reminder that though we have come far, we have even further to go. Oh, Stacey, your career has been just that, a “Dash” in time, and thankfully so. For, had you been a more significant and influential media star, your impactful ignorant just might pose a bigger threat to society. Dash is not alone in this party though; Raven Symone, Don Lemon, and the black preachers who met with Donald Trump last year are all reminders that until black people truly love black culture the journey to help others embrace our culture is quite long and difficult. Black History Month is only a small way to celebrate what black people did a country that was not capable of doing for itself. Maybe one day textbooks will tell the full story and Dash will love the skin she is in, but until then let us celebrate Black History.

What to Bring into 2016

In Culture, life, media, News, reality, Uncategorized on December 31, 2015 at 5:22 am

Ahhhh…it’s that time of year again! It’s time to a make a million resolutions we won’t keep or will keep for a very limited amount of time. True, we have good intentions. Yes, we all want to be better this year than we were last year. However, the struggle with doing something new is…well, doing something new. Self-discipline is hard; especially, when it is a sudden jump-start project. However, I learned a very important lesson years ago: life is not about waiting for something new to start something new. Life should be a constant state of evolving into a better person each day, meaning we can press reset or restart as needed. Sometimes a “restart” is needed at the beginning, in the middle or at the end of the year. In essence, life and goal achievements are about persistence, not time frames. Yes, 2015 is the end of a year, but it is also a year that ends in the middle of a season. Therefore, we should not consider 2015 to symbolize the end of a “season” of our lives, but the continuation of a journey to our destiny!
This year, I decided to focus on what I will take with me into 2016 instead of what I will leave in 2015. (The truth is if you haven’t left it behind yet, January 1st will not make much of a difference.) Examine the learning opportunities of 2015 and focus on how to implement the results of those lessons into 2016. This year has been a wonderful journey and learning experience for me, and I am excited to take the lessons and skills gained this year to higher levels next year. I am excited to strengthen the bond with friends and family and continue to enlarge my professional circle. Therefore, my ambition is no longer to focus on leaving people and things behind, because those things and people will fall by the wayside as needed. They will no longer fit into my schedule, be a part of my vocabulary or take up space in my brain that will be used for creative thinking and innovative ideas. Some of the focus points I will take from 2015 have been with me for years, but some of them are new revelations that I will eagerly bring through 2016:
N- Never give up
This is one of the most cliché phrases, but it is one of the most underestimated phrases. People say not to give up, but so many of us give up all of the time. Most importantly, we give up on things that matter to us and can revolutionize our lives. No, I am not talking about that man or woman who has been pulling the same tired stunts for the last three, five, or ten years. Nor am I talking about any other thing or person who has been draining your energy relentlessly for years. I am talking about dreams and ambitions of home ownership, a particular career, earning a degree or diploma, saving money, or yes, even true love. Never giving up means constantly finding a way to start working towards those goals. Develop a plan and began executing the first step. Set a deadline and move that deadline as needed as long as you are actively working towards your goal! Death is the only thing that separates us from our goals!
E-Expect more
The power of positive thinking is infinite. Yes, at times, situations seems almost impossible to repair, but by expect more of life, power is removed from situations and giving to thinking. Thoughts of great expectations should rule our lives. We began to expect more for and of ourselves, we then began to hold others accountable for how they treat us and how ourselves accountable for how we treat ourselves. People who expect less often live a less than mediocre life, and even mediocrity should never be acceptable. Expect more to get more!

This is one of those on-going yearly lessons for me. I get constant crash courses in Patient Waiting 101. However, I will say that this year yielded so many of the result I had been patiently waiting to see. Some of them were results I waited a few hours to see and some were results I had waited on for over five years! Ultimately, I learned two things about waiting: make sure the wait is worthwhile or the waiting period may be even longer, and wait while working. Ultimately, patience is a faith test, an examination to see if one truly trust God for what they believe. In the end, patience pays off!
Y-Yearn for adventure
Get out of the norm at least twice this year. Go somewhere unfamiliar; do something you have always wanted to do or never thought you could do! If finances are a challenge, make it something local and free. If distance is a challenge, suck it up and fly, catch a train, ride a bus, horse or mule, but get there! Living outside of the box means more thinking outside of the box. Thinking outside of the box means more growth, more challenges, and accomplishing more goals!
E- End each day on a positive note
Every day will not be a good day. Sometimes it will seem that everything went wrong from the moment you woke up until you laid down that night. However, before you close your eyes, reflect on one thing- you still have life. This means you have a chance to do some things over, get somethings right and let some things go. Think about the good that came from every bad experience that day, and take a few minutes to write about your experiences in a journal. (I live by journaling, and all day, not just at night!) At the end other day, you are alive and you are in good enough health to pray for another chance to have a better day the next day.
A- Avoid the drama
Life is challenging, especially as an adult. Let’s be honest, we end up in situations we did not expect or plan for and crossing paths with people we normally would not invite into our circle. Sometimes, people will invite you to a stage play you did not write or even know about. However, you decide whether to entertain drama or avoid drama. Ultimately, those who do not understand their calling or role as a Christian will use drama to excite their confused or dull life. Do not give your energy to their mission. Instead, keep your eyes focus on God and your plan and the stage actors will began to perform according to your script instead of direction your actions according to theirs. This is nothing but an attempt of the enemy to divert your attention from God’s blessing. Do not be impacted; instead, say a prayer and keep it moving. Yes, foolishness can be contagious and it’s an infection no one should want!
R- Remember your identity
One of the easiest ways to become distracted from goals is to forget one’s identity. With so many influences of the world, it is easy to become conflicted or distracted by things that do not fit in with one’s ambitions. Since the visual (what we see) is so impactful, individuals must become visual when pursuing their goals. Making goals and identity visual can be done by making a vision board, journaling, posting positive and encouraging notes on your desk in your office, attending event with people who have similar ambitions, engaging in positive social organizations that promote positive goals, making a bucket lists. In essence, to remember your identity at all times, it must be placed at the forefront of the individuals mind. Therefore, each time obstacles arise, individuals will condition themselves to not be controlled by emotion, but to be controlled by their passion, which is established by knowing your identity. No matter the situation one is faced with, remember your identity.
2- Double the goal
Whatever your goal was last year, double it this year. If you aimed to put $1000 in a savings account, aim for $2000 this year. If you traveled to two cities this year, aim for four cities this year. If you made 32 new business connections last year, make 64 this. And well, if you did zero of a goal that you set last year, let’s aim for at least 1 this year. Hey, start somewhere!
0- Zero tolerance
Zero tolerance for what you may ask. Well, zero tolerance for anything you do not want to accept. So often we say what we are not dealing with anymore and then we make an exception for any person that has a soft spot in our hearts- kids, parents, friends, companions. This year “No” means “No” for anyone. If they love you, they will understand. Even if they do not like it, they will get over it. You choose what you will have zero tolerance for this year.
1- Be #1
Despite what people say, it is not selfish to be the number one concern of your life. Even if you are a parent or wife, all decision made must work well for your to work for your family or companion. Ultimately, anything that causes you stress affects your relationship with them and ability to care for them properly. While it is great and necessary to consider others, make sure that what you do for others is based on the boundaries you must set and the limit to with you can help others and not shortchange or over extend yourself. Making self-number one is the best way to give everyone your best.
6- Develop a 6 month action plan NOW
Millions, no billions, will make claim to a resolution for the New Year. DO NOT become a part of that number. Instead, develop an action plan for the first six months of the year and start on working on it as soon as you write the last line of the action plan. The goal of an action plan is to see action, so do not tuck it away somewhere. Start the first step now!
The New Year is not about a new you or and new circle, it is about a growing and changing you. A year new is not about others, it is all about a better you. With this in mind, my goal is to focus on what I will bring into a new year to make 2016 an even better one. This means not giving energy to who I plan to leave behind; only focus on who and what I plan to bring with me. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

4 Reasons I am Madder than Abby

In Culture, life, media, News, Race, reality, Uncategorized on December 16, 2015 at 4:00 am

young-black-gifted_designFor the past few months, my ambition has been to slowly back away from the race relations platform. No, I am not Uncle Tomming, but I am severely frustrated and, at times, angered by a seemingly never ending situation. The insensitivity of society and refusal to address real problems has often made even me feel powerless and that no matter how strong the movement is, we do not possess enough power to see real change. It seems that we are about two steps from going back to the Jim Crow Era. I stopped reading as many articles and started flipping the television channels when proclamations of another race-related death of young black males and females is flashed across the television; each story was starting to make me nauseous.  However, a story I had heard about years ago resurfaced and initiated a movement more powerful than ever- Fisher versus the University of Texas.

Her claims that affirmative action cost her a slot at UT simply astonished me, especially after I read the article. I have just a few things to say to Little Miss Sassy Abby (I just feel like she was sassy when she was growing up.)

  1. Get your business straight

It is a well known rule, Miss Abby, that anytime you decide to come for someone, you need to have all of your “ducks in a row!” In your case, you did not just come for a person, you came for all minorities with weakly supported reasons that you did not get into the University of Texas. Your attempt to degrade an entire group of people (minorities) because of your insecurities and not quite making the cut is appalling. No longer can you pretend to act like your mediocre grades played no role in your denied admission into UT. Let’s be truthful, this was more of an ego issue, than concerned beliefs about the admissions process or a real dream to become a student of UT. Had this been about achieving your dream, you would have accepted what was offered by entering the school after a year through an alternate route. However, that was not your intention; you had to throw a temper tantrum for not getting your way, because that is what you have done all of your life. This time it did not work.

While throwing a fit about affirmative action, you failed to acknowledge the fact that you were only a mediocre student, whose denied application was a part of 42 other white students who were denied for the same reason. As a matter of a fact, Dallasnews.com, 168 black people and Hispanics were actually denied admission for the same reason, more than four times the number of whites. Tantrum over, Abby; sit down.

  1. White privilege

Abby, it has been repeatedly statistically and socially proven that white privilege is a social problem that plagues America. As a result, white Americans tend to have it easier when it comes to a list of things: getting jobs, earning grades, buying homes, being served in public places, avoiding racial profiling, being approached by the police, receiving “fair” trials in the court-of-law, the list goes on and on and on. You, little Miss Abby, are nothing but an example of the people who continue to try to deny real issues in America by either pretending they don’t exist or playing the victim or blaming the victim for their own unfortunate demise.

Mad Abby, the reason that affirmative action had to be established was so minorities could get a fair shot in situations where they are hardly ever considered. The truth is that people tend to gravitate towards people who look like them, act like them, and fit their idea of a reputable individual in order to stay in their comfort zone, such is especially the case in board rooms and meetings. Typically, you do not see people of color in these positions, alienating other races and limiting the number of fair opportunities they receive.

In addition, Mad Abby studies have been conducted that indicate that even standardized exams for college and course information for K-12 schools tend to suit the educational needs of white students while isolating minorities. Therefore, Mad Abby, your inability to meet the mark despite having exams that better accommodate you than your counterparts simply means you should have studied harder if you were going to complain.

  1.    Even though I am a bit salty with my alma mater for admitting you in the first place, LSU did..and you graduated…and they have affirmative action, too…

In the end, you took another route, Abby. Apparently, you were successful at LSU- Baton Rouge, a university that boasts a student population of over 30,000 students with just over 20% of those being minorities, and only 11% being black students in particular. (http://www.collegeportraits.org/LA/LSU/print )  The campus hosts a list of minority geared programs, events and organizations in efforts to bridge the gap. Mad Abby, I bet you were one of the students out there flying the confederate flag in LSU colors saying “It’s pride, not prejudice.” I bet you were one of the people saying that if they have African American Studies classes, they should have Caucasian Studies classes, too, because we just do not know enough about the contributions of whites in America. You are one of the students who keeps asking why they have a Black Student Union and not a White Student Union, when the entire university is pretty represented by students of the majority. I guess you should have listed LSU in that lawsuit, too, because even though they admitted you, Mad Abby, what about the thousands of oppressed white students who are denied admittance into PWI’s across this country because of affirmative action?

  1. One word…reparations.

I know the word is worn all the way out and we will never, ever, ever, ever, ever get it…but I had to pull out my whip to beat this horse one more time. Nearly every other minority race has been given some type of jump start in America because of their race related experiences- tax write offs, compensation checks, casinos, free college tuition and the list goes on. I have even been told that white students frequently and easily get scholarships to HBCU’s because they are considered the minority. Yet, hundreds of years laters, we have still never seen one penny, tax exemption or waiver in place of the 40 acres and a mule we were promised after slavery. Affirmative action is like a slight breath of life to an
almost dead person when we really consider its benefits to black folks.

Miss Petty Abby, ultimately,  I need you to ask yourself if you want to spend another eight years behaving so foolishly? Your tantrums have gotten you nothing but some media attention and, I am sure, some legal bills that cost far more than the tuition at UT. It is unfortunate that the media continues to mull over this, but I am happy to see minorities take control of the issue and take a stand against such a calamity. Maybe they can help you understand what the courts are tired of trying to prove.   I want you to ask yourself, Abby, Has not attending UT hindered my success in any way? You may argue that it has,  but the truth is that it has not. You have hindered your own success, by choosing to over indulge in the technicalities of your educational experience when the truth is that you could have gone to UT if you really wanted to. The audacity of you to be so mad when you have nothing to really be mad about! After 400 years of slavery, Jim Crow laws, the 90’s riots, no reparations for the aggravation, police violence and brutality, public racial disdain and disrespect towards the President, and an attempted discrediting of the Black Lives Matter movement, I am so much madder than you! No, Abby, you do NOT deserve to stay mad; you deserve to be told to sit down. #staymadabby #youhavenoreasontobemadaddy #iammadderthanyou

Pregnant & Heartbroken: Struggling to keep it Together

In Culture, life, media, News, Uncategorized on December 11, 2015 at 4:36 am

For the past few weeks, I have found myself thinking about the days that seemed like they would never come to an end. Struggling to deal with my broken heart and learning to raise a child as a single parent was a challenge I prayed to never face, because I had seen the effects meandlee3of it before. However, embracing reality forced me to make an important decision: become what I had seen or become what I envisioned. I chose to become what I envisioned, but there are so many who are in or may be in my same situation soon. Though getting over a broken heart takes time for anyone, there are still ways that you can keep it together while pregnant.

1. Surround yourself with a community of positive people.
Never are positive people needed more than when you are pregnant. Between mood swings and a crumbling personal life, I needed people to just eat with me or talk with me day to day. Being heartbroken is already a traumatizing experience, but the challenges of being pregnant can make life seem hardly bearable at times. I can recall times when I spent nearly the entire day crying; I never knew I had so many tears! I probably literally cried a river for Justin Timberlake! However, I was fortunate to already have a great community of friends and family who had endless supplies of tissues and shoulders and appetites that were able to handle my need to eat emotionally (at the end of my pregnancy when I could actually eat all foods).
In addition, this community of people reminded me of how much I was loved and how many people had been through heartbreaks and aches, so I was not alone. While I cannot profess that the tears ended, pregnancy and heartbreak are easier to handle with people to help carry your load.
2. Focus on the beauty of your body during the pregnancy experience.
I was in total awe of my pregnant body. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Watching my belly grow daily was one of the things that I anticipated, and I stood in the mirror watching my figure and form change as often as I could. I laid in bed calculating how much of my toes I could still see each month. Falling in love with such a blessed temple that could experience such a miraculous transformation gave me a euphoric feeling. I found myself learning to find the beauty in being chosen by God to experience such an amazing process. This kept me from wallowing in what I felt I had lost, and made me focus more what I had gained.
3. Keep a sense of identity.
While pregnant and after I had my son, I convinced myself that there was a laundry list of reasons that no one would want to hear me speak anymore and that I was no longer the same Jamie. It is true that having a child will change how you do things, but it will not change who you are unless you allow it to. While being pregnant and having a newborn kept me busy, I spent several months sulking in the middle of my pregnancy. Eventually, even that started to get old. Losing my identity over someone and something I could not control was a dangerous move. I returned to what brought me the most passion- writing. In my eighth month, I published another book, helping to reaffirm my true identity. Don’t let heartbreak and pregnancy cause you to lose sight of your gifts or your image. Fight for your sanity, peace and identity.
4. Find what makes you laugh and laugh as much as you can.
Laughter can certainly be lost during tough times, but it is your responsibility to find it again. I found mine in stand-up comedy. I love stand-up comedy, so I decided to keep it at my access every time heartbreak wanted to remind me of its presence and make me lose sight of my blessed bundle on the way. I even discovered comedy channels on Pandora! Nothing made my rides to work smoother than laughing at Somore or Jamie Foxx in the morning. I even forced laughter if I had to. I recall the Friday night I was sitting at home alone, extremely big and nearly due. No comedy show was on Comedy Central that night; thoughts of abandonment and fear found time to creep into my head and I could feel my face started to swell. “No, not tonight,” I told myself. Instead, I started to think of all things funny and began forcing myself to laugh, loudly, nearly screaming. I got up, finished off an order of nachos, popped a Zantac for old faithful heartburn and slept soundly that night. Sometimes you do have to fake it until you make it.
5. Be true to your feelings and process them.
My biggest heartbreak frustration during pregnancy and after pregnancy was listening to people tell me to get over it and move on. The truth is that heartbreak is a long slow pain that moves through your body at a snail’s pace and can re-launch an even more intense attack just when you think you are getting better. Carrying a child and trying to cope with the trauma of a broken relationship can send your emotions all over the place. I tried to suppress my feelings, but eventually I had to be true to how I felt. Denial is a disease that is only curable by the truth. Once I became honest about my anger, frustration, self-disappointment and fears, I was able to process them and start to develop a real action plan for what mattered most- my son.
6. Don’t let heartbreak determine your destiny.
I am guilty. I had let heartbreak and pregnancy write the last chapter of my book; thank God it was written in pencil! I had convinced myself that I would never pursue or allow love to pursue me again. My child would be my only child and I would spend my life focusing on him. I had a list of things I would no longer be able to do. I would not be able to afford a home. I would not be able to afford a car. I would not be able to have free time. I would not be able to speak and travel. My life story was now filled with declarations to destroy my own destiny. However, life changed when I changed. Surrounding myself with a positive community meant they believed in me when I lost faith in myself. Falling in love with myself meant I could no longer deny my identity. Being true to my emotions helped me find my laughter. As a result, my attitude about my story began to change. Eventually heartbreak and pregnancy helped me to see my destiny more clearly and put my plan into action for the betterment of my family’s life.

Ultimately, things will get easier with time; I promise you they will! Heartbreak and pregnancy might seem like a nightmare right now, but you will look back and realize you were so much stronger than you ever thought you were. It does not mean you will not have a tough journey, but the things that lay on the other side of the journey are worth it. You will realize that maybe having your heart broken is so much better than seeing your sweet child’s heart broken when they are too young to understand. Find the beauty in your blessing and do not let heartbreak take that away.

Learning to Live an Unbothered Life

In Culture, life, media, News, reality on September 11, 2015 at 10:15 pm

I will be the first to admit that I spent most of my life concerned about others’ opinions of me. I was insecure for manywpid-20150828_191001.jpg reasons; I was a dark-skinned, pudgy, kinky-haired little girl in Creole South Louisiana with a list of visible and invisible problems. Childhood insecurities became teen insecurities which led to adult insecurities that were multiplied with each failed relationship or broken friendship. By the time I was 23, I was swimming in a pool of emotional misery, yearning to feel a true love for myself so that I could truly love everyone who loved me.

At the tender age of 29, life began to transform and at 32 I am finally on a journey to live life unbothered. Unbothered is such a funny word to me; when the popularity of the word soared I found myself laughing at the memes depicting women in bubble baths with wine or little babies with carefree faces laying on plush pillows. However, eventually, I wanted to be a true depiction of the snapshots; I wanted to truly be unbothered.

The demands of being a grown-up places an immense amount of pressure on us to play certain roles, to behave a certain way, and in my case, to try to live as close to perfection as possible- all the while, I had been killing my soul softly. Striving to make others happy and keep the peace while living in misery blocked my ability to think clearly and inhibited my ability to be “real.” For a while, I have falsely attributed the adoption of my new attitude to motherhood, but the truth is that I started to evolve before the possibility of my son was imaginable. My search to become unbothered began when I realized all the things I had missed by living inside of a mental box, and the urgency of being unbothered was escalated when I realized the pressures of single motherhood, work, entrepreneurship and trying to get closer to God.

Thoughts of the best advice ever given to me by my 8th grade Art teacher and my 11th grade English teacher bombarded my brain repeatedly, forcing me to revisit the quote “to thine own self be true.” In essence, being true and honest with me about who I am and what my feelings were was essential to becoming unbothered. Becoming unbothered meant that I had to let go of many things and cling closer to some others. Becoming unbothered meant directing my energy to causes that matter and staying away from things that are not for my well-being or for the betterment of mankind.

In essence, I had to live my life, love myself and focus on the lifestyle my son and I deserve. In realizing who and what matters most, I was able to release myself of unfair obligations and mistreatment by others. I learned to focus on things and people who focus on me. I have chosen to find the beauty in everyday by remaining unbothered.

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